So, right now, as I'm writing this, I am crying. It's one of those cries where you have to gasp for air because your chest is so tight, you can't breath; your heaving out your exhales, and your inhales are fragmented; your nose is running so much that you can't tell what's tears and what's not, and you're crying so hard, you have no energy to even try to stand...
I feel like one of my best friends just stabbed me in the chest... Oh, wait, maybe that's because he did. Not literally, of course, but it would probably have felt the same. I s'pose I'd better tell you what's wrong, huh, before you get tired of my blubbering, and stop reading.
Long story short, I have...no, had, this friend named Zach. We were really good friends, and it even got to the point where he considered me his best friend, because I was always there for him. Well, he started going out with this girl named Katie, who, pretty much, hated me from the very start, even though we've never met; she hated me because she didn't like that Zach told me everything that was ever the matter, and always talked to me and stuff. Well, last year, as school ended, Zach moved away, to a city, 4-6 hours away (depending on the route you take). Then, just like that, he stopped talking to me. Began completely ignoring me. He wouldn't even tell me why... Suddenly, his girly dumps him, and he explains to me that he stopped talking to me because she didn't like it. I was mad and hurt for a long time, but I forgave him, eventually, because he said he was so sorry that he hurt me like that, and it was a dick-head move, and that he wouldn't do it again. That was in October. It went all good until March: He got back together with Katie. And guess what happened again?? Yeah... He went back to ignoring me, too. Now, I found out he's back in town, for spring break. I haven't seen him since last summer, and I had hoped that the next time I saw him would be a happy time... I saw him today. He looked at me, then kept walking. He looked back several times, but then just walked away faster.
Now, I tend to think everything's my fault, until I know otherwise. So, I wanted to know what I did this time around. About 30 minutes ago, I called him, accidentally waking him up... And found that "he's not mad at me, and I didn't do anything, he just thought it would be easier for both of us if we didn't talk, because every time we talk, for some reason, him and Katie start going downhill" (that was quoted as best as I can recall). I was quiet for about 10 seconds, then said, "Okay, that's all I needed to know," (this is where I started to cry) "I'll let you get back to sleep...okay?"
He hung up without another word.
And that's when it really hit me, and I began typing this to you guys. I don't even know what else to say. I didn't think best friends were supposed to turn on you so quickly... or at all, really. And still, I can't help but feeling it's my fault. But what drives me insane is that I shouldn't even care! I shouldn't still want to be friends with him; I shouldn't want anything to do with him anymore. So why is it that I still want to be his friend? This is ridiculous. My boyfriend keeps telling me I don't need this crap, and he really wants to yell at Zach, but I just want to be done. I know he's right; I don't need this, and I don't deserve this... but it still hurts...
...this is Maximum Sunshine, signing off... Αντίο και ο Θεός ταχύτητας...
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