I know, I know, I'm way late in posting. Yell at me, scold me, have your fit, moving on, great, we're good.
I've been a little busy, what with working and trying to figure out who my friends are. Yeah, I said that, because, the truth is, I really don't know who my friends are anymore. Been wondering that majority of my senior year. And as I've been trying to sort through this ordeal, God's been dropping me little hints, mostly through Facebook (gotta love Facebook). For example:
"God often removes someone from your life for a reason. Think before you chase after them."
Okay, I feel like that one was for Zach, mostly. Hint taken, Lord. Here's another:
"Don't confuse the people who are always around with the ones who are always there."
I kinda felt like that one was a message for others about me, because I don't want to be the person that's always around, I want to be the one that's always there. How about this one:
"In life, you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. But most important are the ones that bring out the best in you. Those are the ones worth keeping around."
Finally, especially after that last one, it clicked. Most of my senior year, I was chasing after the people that had been my friends for most of my high school experience. We were drifting apart, and I (ironically enough, especially since I like to think I don't need friends to survive) didn't want to lose them. Only natural, right? But it seemed like I was always the person that was just around, and never the one that anybody really needed to be there. And in the end, that brought out the worst in me. It seemed like the only time I was spoken to was when somebody wanted something, or wanted to tell a secret.. I guess that last part could be taken as a compliment, since I always told my friends I'd be there if they needed anything, and nobody else would have to know. But, that's not just what I wanted to be known as. I also wanted to be "the one you can laugh with," "the one who's fun to hang out with," "the one you always want to chill with, or go shopping with, or take pictures with, or just do silly stuff with," not simply the "one who listens good." So I guess you could say I felt just a little bit "used and abused." Don't get me wrong, I like helping people and listening if they have a problem, I really do. I just don't want that to be all I'm good for, you know?
So, it comes full circle: I'm done chasing my friends. If they're worth keeping around, then they'll stick around. If not, then they're gone for a reason. I'm done. After not being talked to in awhile, not being invited to hang out once, all summer, or anything, a person gets a little sick of being ignored. So I'm sorry, guys, if this pisses you off, but I've tried talking to you about it before, because this isn't the first time this has happened, but all it has amounted to is the same result as before. Yes, I know I live fourteen miles from town, but I can drive, now. You'd think you'd be asking me to come in and hang out more often, since it's more convenient I drive myself, but I haven't heard a word. I know you all must be busy, working and getting ready for college, as am I, yet you still find time to hang out with each other. That's cool, but just know that I don't give a darn, anymore.
The reason I never ask you guys to come out here is because you guys always got bored at my house whenever you did come out, so I don't bother. And I'd feel kinda stupid saying, "Hey, let's all hang out at Mer's house, or Sarah's!" because it's not my house to invite people to. That, and I never know if you guys are already hanging out since you guys don't talk to me much, anymore.
And if any of you say it's because of Tanner, I'm calling BS on you. You and I both know I'm not one of those girls who has to be around her boyfriend, 24/7. And he's not like that either.
So, go ahead and get mad at me for not "trying harder," even though it's all I've ever done. I don't care anymore. I love you guys, but if you're walking away, I'm not chasing after you like a lost puppy, like I've done for the past year.
Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'll tell the rest of you about the bit of fun I've been dying to have all summer. (Tanner is in California, by the way, on vacation, which is why he is not included in this bit).
So, last night, I was going to go into town, see if anybody wanted to hang out. On the way, I was going to stop by work and drop off some movies for a friend. He's part of what we call the Resource Team (I work at a Bible camp, fyi) and the Resource Team stays on the camp grounds in the staff cabin for the whole summer.
So, I had some movies one of them wanted to see, so I dropped them off. Nobody was texting me back, so I didn't bother going into town. When the other two members of the RT came back from their shopping trip, we all headed out and had a little s'mores party. After being frightened away by a very curious coyote, we all headed back to the staff cabin and played a few games of Spoons, and a couple of BS (both of which, I stink at. Btw, thank you, Hannah, for trying to help me by throwing spoons at me), then we all camped out in the living room and watched the Land Before Time number five.
Doesn't sound like a big party, but it was a lot of fun, and it was the most I had laughed in a long time: Nicole, giggling and talking in her sleep, Hannah, telling Nicole she's going to get wrinkles from sucking on a straw too much, and Ben, getting all excited because he thought Hannah spent a crap-ton of money on Reese's, when she actually spent it at Maurice's. Now, I sorta feel like I may have been something sorta like a third-wheel or something, but at the time, I was just happy to be invited to something by someone other than Tanner (But Tanner, I love you, and I appreciate everything you invite me to. I love going to stuff with you).
But anyway, Nicole, Ben, Hannah, I'm sorry if I was intruding at all. I guess I was just a little starved for friends and fun. But I had an awesome time, and you guys are awesome people. I'm glad you're my co-workers. Thanks, again.
So, there. You've been caught up on the major stuff. Sorry I took so long. And now, I'm going into my backyard to camp with my sister, my brother, his girlfriend, Amanda, and our friend Clark. I'm sort of not looking forward to it, because while we were out getting food, a skunk decided to pay the property a visit. But for some reason, it smells better outside than it does in here. So, toodle-loo.
This is Maximum Sunshine, signing off. Αντίο και ο Θεός ταχύτητας.
