That's Not How It's Supposed To Be...

   So, right now, as I'm writing this, I am crying.  It's one of those cries where you have to gasp for air because your chest is so tight, you can't breath; your heaving out your exhales, and your inhales are fragmented; your nose is running so much that you can't tell what's tears and what's not, and you're crying so hard, you have no energy to even try to stand...
   I feel like one of my best friends just stabbed me in the chest... Oh, wait, maybe that's because he did.  Not literally, of course, but it would probably have felt the same.  I s'pose I'd better tell you what's wrong, huh, before you get tired of my blubbering, and stop reading.

   Long story short, I have...no, had, this friend named Zach.  We were really good friends, and it even got to the point where he considered me his best friend, because I was always there for him.  Well, he started going out with this girl named Katie, who, pretty much, hated me from the very start, even though we've never met; she hated me because she didn't like that Zach told me everything that was ever the matter, and always talked to me and stuff.  Well, last year, as school ended, Zach moved away, to a city, 4-6 hours away (depending on the route you take).  Then, just like that, he stopped talking to me.  Began completely ignoring me.  He wouldn't even tell me why... Suddenly, his girly dumps him, and he explains to me that he stopped talking to me because she didn't like it.  I was mad and hurt for a long time, but I forgave him, eventually, because he said he was so sorry that he hurt me like that, and it was a dick-head move, and that he wouldn't do it again.  That was in October.  It went all good until March:  He got back together with Katie.  And guess what happened again??  Yeah... He went back to ignoring me, too.  Now, I found out he's back in town, for spring break.  I haven't seen him since last summer, and I had hoped that the next time I saw him would be a happy time... I saw him today.  He looked at me, then kept walking.  He looked back several times, but then just walked away faster.
 
   Now, I tend to think everything's my fault, until I know otherwise.  So, I wanted to know what I did this time around.  About 30 minutes ago, I called him, accidentally waking him up... And found that "he's not mad at me, and I didn't do anything, he just thought it would be easier for both of us if we didn't talk, because every time we talk, for some reason, him and Katie start going downhill" (that was quoted as best as I can recall).  I was quiet for about 10 seconds, then said, "Okay, that's all I needed to know," (this is where I started to cry) "I'll let you get back to sleep...okay?"
   He hung up without another word.

And that's when it really hit me, and I began typing this to you guys.  I don't even know what else to say.  I didn't think best friends were supposed to turn on you so quickly... or at all, really.  And still, I can't help but feeling it's my fault.  But what drives me insane is that I shouldn't even care!  I shouldn't still want to be friends with him; I shouldn't want anything to do with him anymore.  So why is it that I still want to be his friend?  This is ridiculous.  My boyfriend keeps telling me I don't need this crap, and he really wants to yell at Zach, but I just want to be done.  I know he's right; I don't need this, and I don't deserve this... but it still hurts...

...this is Maximum Sunshine, signing off...  Αντίο και ο Θεός ταχύτητας...

Take Note, All Ye Whom Believe That Thou Art Our Great Teachers

Don't tell me my attitude is bad when yours is just as terrible.

Don't expect me to do things right when all you do is complain that I'm doing it wrong.

Don't tell me direct a situation and then yell at me to be quiet and let you be the leader.

Don't expect me to respect you when you treat me like you know everything, and I know nothing.

Now, take a seat and hear the truth from the mouth of one of the many recipients of the above statements:  If I were you, I'd take this as a hint to rethink the way in which you treat the people around you, whether they're your senior in years, or so young, they could be your students.  You cannot find perfection, for perfection exists only in God.  It's hard to show respect to others when you don't respect yourself.  What my sister wrote sums up what I think you should try:

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life

life is short. . . you never know when your time is up.  So before Atropos cuts you off  from your cord to the living, remember this.   You can't change fate. . . but you can re-evaluate your life and make things right.

stop dwelling on worldly things.  they dont mean anything.  they are not important.  you might think they may make you happy for awhile, but when you die, these things def wont be sitting around a table together talking about what kind of person you were and how much they miss you.  

instead make right with the people that you may have wronged.  Strike up a convo with someone you havent talked to in awhile.  Rekindle close friendships that have lost steam.  Befriend the people you never gave a chance. Tell that girl/guy that you have had a thing for for years, but never told, how much they mean to you.  Make sure you tell your lover everyday how much you love them.   Be a bit nicer to your siblings and spend as much time with your family as possible.

Appreciate life.  Take some time and get away from everything.  Enjoy your surroundings.  Take in some fresh air.  Dance in the rain.  Lay out under the stars. 

stop thinking about how you wished your life was... wishing gets you nowhere.  Do something about it.

 If you hate something. . . change it.  There are things out there that are beyond your control. . . Stop worrying about it.  Dont take things personally. . . Dont fret....

and never forget to SMILE [=

© Tana Lee Buoy

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"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2)

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   Sorry, guys.  Ranting.  This teacher I have has been doing the first four things mentioned, plus many more, since the class started.  She makes us feel like we can't do anything right, and that we're lazy, etc.  She takes all of her frustration and stress out on us, and tells us we're wrong all the time.  She likes to say one thing, then turn around a deny she ever said that, you know... Stuff like that.  Had to get this stuff out of my system.

Hobey-ho, mates.  Love you all.This is Maximum Sunshine, signing off.  Αντίο και ο Θεός ταχύτητας.

The Threads of Fate

   So, I haven't played a video game in ages...Until yesterday.  Yesterday, my brother and I had a video game date.  He played COD, while I played Tomba, then switched to Crash Bandicoot, and finally settled on playing Threads of Fate.  Since that time, I have taken home my brother's Playstation 2 and his Threads of Fate game.  I played it so much last night, my thumbs are sore, and my left thumb is actually numb on its tip from pressing the directional buttons so hard.  For those of you who don't know, that game is amazing.  It's really fun, and sorta hard, but it's awesome.  Now, I'm itching to play it again... Yeah, I'm going to go play it now.

Hobey-ho, mates.
This is Maximum Sunshine, signing off.  Αντίο και ο Θεός ταχύτητας.